How can it already be six years since my dad passed away? If the saying "it seems like yesterday" were ever so true, it would be right now.
I don't think that there is a day that I wonder what were my dad's last thoughts, his last breath & did he know that he would close his eyes forever. I will never know the answers to my questions, but one thing is for sure once August arrives, those questions will run through my mind more than ever.
At six years, how am I? I think I am numb at the idea that he has passed; I believe it's a way to cope with living on & embracing the new world that has become my new life. But once I let the reality seep in deep into my heart & soul quickly, my eyes fill up with tears, that knot in my throat gets a little bigger, making it difficult to breathe, the pain in my heart grows a bit more, my stomach feels so empty & the palms of my hands begin to moisten from gripping so hard . & at some point I can't hold back & yell, why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave me & go through the rest of my life here on earth without you? & with that, the tears rolled down my face, one tear drop after another as if it was a race. & just like that I have relived August 13th, 2017 all over again.
As I slowly start to breathe, wipe the tears away & release the tight grip in my hands, I look around & realize that all of my blessings have been because of my dad. In some way, he is still near & I know that my love for my dad continues to grow. His love for me continues to grow as well; it keeps us both going until we are together again.
I still recall this photo; we were walking out of the restaurant after having an Italian dinner. The parking lot was behind the restaurant. The driveway was steep! I remember holding onto him so he wouldn't fall, or was it him holding onto me as I had heels on? LOL. I remember stopping midway & taking a few selfies, my favorite. I wish I had more to look back on.
To all who have lost, I feel your pain & I send you a huge hug as I know how much it feels to have lost someone who meant the world to you.
* I have linked the last three-year posts; they were raw & unedited. It was I needed at that moment.